


The Winter Soldier has to go

by keepfacepalm



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky and the Soldier don't like each other, M/M, split personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8530204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepfacepalm/pseuds/keepfacepalm
Summary: Bucky Barnes thinks that people are meant to be whole, not have two personalities in one body. He thinks that the Winter Soldier has to go and stop messing up his life. The Winter Soldier doesn’t even have a life, was never supposed to. It all should belong to Bucky.Not Civil War compliant.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta and English is my second language, so, if anyone wants to help me with that it'll be great.

When Steve Rogers comes back from his quest to recover his childhood friend, he brings with him not one, but two different people – Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier.

People are meant to be whole, not to have two personalities in the same body, but that’s the reality of the situation.

And oh boy, Barnes and The Soldier are different. In everything.

Barnes is traumatized and plagued by terrible nightmares. He is a victim of a horrible experiments and torture, on his body and on his mind. He is afraid of sleeping, afraid of people, afraid of himself.

The Soldier falls asleep easily and does not dream. He is whole and content, with his life and himself. He learns new things, explores the world without leash and muzzle.

All Barnes needs is therapy, and people to leave him alone. He is not ready to talk, to smile, to live, to even function.

Pretty much the first thing The Soldier does after being explained current situation and what is free will is to get into relationship with Tony Stark. Long-tern, serious, stable relationship.

Barnes thinks The Soldier is a monster and his curse.

The Soldier thinks Barnes is a weakling and his hindrance.

Bucky didn’t want to accept The Soldier as an independent personality. He told Stark to leave him alone. He asked Steve to take him to a different base.

He came back to himself two weeks later, in the Tower, and with a note from The Soldier:

“You try to take Tony from me – and I will kill Rogers”

It didn’t help their situation.

Bucky Barnes is thinking too much, feeling too much, human too much. He is all for fairness, justice, and protecting everyone from himself.

The Soldier is cold, jealous, possessive and sometimes downright violent. He does not think as a human, does not feel as a human, does not recognize himself as a part of humanity, and he is closer to an AI than to an actual person.

Bucky Barnes has a heart. The Soldier has a lover. Bucky Barnes is a human. The Soldier is a weapon. Bucky Barnes is a mess. The Soldier has clear purpose.

Bucky Barnes loses again and again.

Bucky Barnes thinks that people are meant to be whole, not have two personalities in one body. He thinks that the Winter Soldier has to go and stop messing up his life. The Winter Soldier doesn’t even have a life, was never supposed to. It all should belong to Bucky.

Only combined efforts of Tony and Steve make The Soldier to give control to Barnes occasionally.

Bucky Barnes still can’t get a hold of himself. His memories are unreliable and don’t come back fully. He can’t get over what’s been done to him, no matter the amount of therapy. He tries, oh, God, does he try, but he can’t make friends, can’t have the same relationship with Steve like they used to, no matter how it breaks their hearts. He doesn’t have a purpose, doesn’t have an anchor, his life doesn’t have sense. He can’t get out of crippling depression, can’t see Tony Stark without lashing out, can’t think about The Soldier, the monster, the murderer, having his perfect life when he closes eyes and fades into darkness.

The Soldier adapts, adjusts, and learns. He gets education, engineering and medicine degrees – to better understand what was done to him.  He is smart, so smart and determined. He doesn’t make friends per see, but he gets along with people, even Steve Rogers, just fine. He is logical, stays true to his word, and keeps Tony Stark from doing reckless and stupid crap most of the time. He proves that he is adjusted enough to have free choice, and people mostly leave him alone, even government. He goes on occasional missions when asked, acts as a consultant, allowed on some state secrets. No one watches his every step anymore, no one expects him to go back to his Hydra days, no one is afraid of him. Much.

Bucky Barnes pushes everyone away. Even Steve can’t bulldoze through it, and eventually accepts and gives him space. He doesn’t give up, he is always there when Bucky tries to reach for him or needs him, but occasions are more and more rare. Steve moves on, any while part of his soul will always belong to Bucky, and he’ll put Bucky above all else in a heartbeat, he wouldn’t force anything on his best friend.

The Soldier isn’t that interested in making friends, but he has occasional drink with Rhodey, spars with Maria Hill, trains agents, does missions when asked by Fury or Coulson, helps Pepper to intimidate people. He builds a life with Tony, a full, happy life.

The public hasn’t seen Bucky Barnes for ages, but they occasionally catch glimpse of the Soldier – saving the world, standing behind Virginia Potts on press releases and conferences, accompanying Tony Stark on events.

Bucky Barnes lays awake in night, wondering why does he even try, why does he even breath, what does he have to live for. He gives less and less fucks, but he still struggles, still messes up The Soldiers life, still lashes out on Stark. Because it hurts, and it’s unfair, and he loses his life more and more, even the tiny pieces that he has now, loses to a Hydra experiment that was never supposed to exist in the first place.

The Soldier goes to sleep with Tony in his arms, the whole world lies before them – to explore and to enjoy. Freedom is amazing, and love is even more so. He is not just a weapon anymore, he is a person, he can make his own choices and fight for something that is his. The only thing that is not perfect is Barnes – a weak broken contrary idiot, who hurts Tony, does things out of spite, and generally tries his best to poison Soldier’s life.

Barnes fights him without clear purpose and strategy, and one day The Soldier decides that enough is enough. Everyone just needs to be protected from Barnes and his emotional unstable crap – Tony, The Soldier, hell, Rogers and even Barnes himself.  He makes a plan. And Barnes unwittingly plays alone with it, as always ruining things for himself. The Soldier learns engineering and medicine, gets his hands on state secrets, and creates himself a spotless reputation. No one is surprised when he never says no to attacking Hydra bases. It is perfectly logical that he wants to end the organization that brought him so much pain.

He is a free man, so no one pays attention when he works on something in his lab, or disappears for a few days.

He has extensive knowledge of Hydra, their locations, strategies, and now, thanks to his education, technology. It takes a lot of time, and caution, and planning, and mistakes.

When the time comes he executes it perfectly, and all pieces fall into place, easy and nice.

The Soldier is on one of abandoned Hydra bases. He sits in the Chair he modified, with controller he made in his hand. Bucky Barnes didn’t bother him for 70 years, and it’s time for that fucker to go back to sleep – he didn’t do a single good thing for anyone while he was awake.

He pushes button, and familiar pain envelops him.

Barnes was right, people are not meant to have two personalities in one body.

But it’s Barnes who has to go and stop messing up his life.

Because Bucky Barnes doesn’t have a life.

It all belongs to the Winter Soldier.

**Author's Note:**

> Long time ago I had an idea and wrote it down. Today on a train I revisited it, and tried to finish it. I failed, but wrote two other fics that have some similarities (because they were supposed to be one fic).


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